Tami Simon interviews world-renowned systems theorist, Dr. Ervin Laszlo. He uses the principles of systems theory as a dynamic framework for understanding the coming changes we face as we approach the year 2012. Find out why dramatic shifts, called tipping points, in Earth’s living system are becoming more and more likely each day. (43 minutes)
In the Internal Family Systems model, the practice of speaking for, rather than from, parts when they are triggered is an important aspect of Self-leadership. When people receive a message from you, it has two components: the content (the actual words) and the energy behind the words. When your protective parts are upset and speak directly to another person, invariably they will trigger parts in the other. When, on the other hand, you listen to your protectors and then speak for them, from your Self, the message is received in a very different way, even if you use the same words that your parts are saying. Your words lose their judgmental sting or their off-putting desperation and coerciveness. Instead, your respect and compassion for the other person will be heard in addition to the courage of your convictions.
Self energy has a soothing effect on any parts it touches, whether they are in you or in another person. When your parts trust that you will speak for them, they feel less driven to take over and explode at people. What they really want is to have a voice—to be listened to by you and to have their position represented to others.
Practice: SELF-LEADERSHIP AS A WAY OF INTERACTING IN A CONFLICT
These practices—remaining the “I” in the storm or the empty vessel, and speaking for rather than from your parts—can be combined into a general way of relating as a couple when you have conflict. When you begin to fight, each of you can try the following:
When a couple is embattled and each focuses inside, as in step 2, usually they only hear from their protectors. If it feels safe enough, moving an extra step toward vulnerability can reap big rewards. That step involves staying inside long enough to learn about the exiles that your protectors are guarding, and then telling your partner about these vulnerable parts. In most cases, when one partner has the courage to reveal the vulnerability that drives their protectiveness, the atmosphere immediately softens and the couple shifts toward Self-to-Self communication.
This is an excerpt from You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD.
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How can we live without the sense that our value is measured by achievements and productivity? What kind of attitude and skills are needed today to deal with the stress so many are feeling? In a nutshell, what does it mean to be human right now?
In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with bestselling author and stress expert Dr. Elissa Epel about the inextricable connection between the mind and the body and how we each have the capacity to protect our health and well-being even in times of volatile uncertainty.
Take a break, relax, and breathe, as you listen to this hopeful conversation on breaking free from toxic cultural imperatives; changing our minds, bodies, and environment; aging and the telomere effect; understanding the types of stress, such as acute, chronic, and restorative; cryotherapy and the benefits of cold exposure; deep rest, and how to get more of it; shifting the messages to our cells from “stay vigilant” to “I’m safe”; developing awareness and choosing your response; nervous system regulation; planting safety cues and secluded breaks into your day; befriending the body; “turning from gazelle to lion” in the midst of stress; seeing the beauty in each day; and more.
Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.
Andrea Owen is an author, global keynote speaker, and professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women master their confidence and resilience. But as she puts it, “I was not born an evolved person.” In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Andrea about her personal journey and her new audio program, Getting Damn Good at Life: Strategies for Managing Your Inner Critic, Growing Confidence, and Experiencing More Happiness Now.
Give a listen to this inspiring podcast that will leave you feeling seen, understood, and acknowledged—and ready to start getting damn good at life yourself. Tami and Andrea discuss listening to difficult-to-hear inner truths; working with your inner critic and understanding your values; the practice of writing down your values; setting boundaries and having hard conversations; the profession of life coaching; recognizing the “acknowledgement-starved”; the value in trusting that everyone is doing the best they can; why you have to “name it to tame it” (and the commitment this entails); the subconscious need to avoid feeling shame; reconciling our unwanted identities and our ideal identities; unshakable confidence; self-compassion; body-based trauma therapy; how and why women tend to experience feelings of unworthiness; the powerful question, “What’s important about that?”; tapping into your inner light and shining it into the world; and more.
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