Wendy Strgar: Sex That Works

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May 16, 2017

Wendy Strgar: Sex That Works

Wendy Strgar May 16, 2017

Wendy Strgar is an award-winning entrepreneur, writer, and the founder of the renowned organic personal care product company Good Clean Love. With Sounds True, she has published Sex That Works: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Wendy about Sex That Works—particularly the insights it draws from Wendy’s work as a sexual health educator and her own 30 years of marriage. They talk about the most common obstacles to achieving personal sexual harmony and what it takes to keep a long-term relationship sexually satisfying. Wendy describes her own journey to the creation of Good Clean Love and how she discovered her calling as a “loveologist.” Finally, Tami and Wendy discuss what is to have a healthy fantasy life and why true sexual freedom is taking responsibility for one’s own needs. (66 minutes)

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Meet Your Host: Tami Simon

Founded Sounds True in 1985 as a multimedia publishing house with a mission to disseminate spiritual wisdom. She hosts a popular weekly podcast called Insights at the Edge, where she has interviewed many of today's leading teachers. Tami lives with her wife, Julie M. Kramer, and their two spoodles, Rasberry and Bula, in Boulder, Colorado.

Photo © Jason Elias

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An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life

Dear friends,

I’ve always said that if we could solve just one problem in our lives, coming to terms with our sexual selves would solve all of the others. Whether we are actively sexual or not, the deepest aspects of our identity are shaped by our erotic souls.

Becoming intimate with our sexuality is the key to fully engaging with our lives and finding physical and emotional well-being . . . which sounds great, but how do you begin to move in this direction?

I have been married to the same man for over 30 years, and I can tell you that the journey to sexual wholeness is not easy. I remember a moment when sexual wounds had all but destroyed our marriage. And then something totally unexpected happened—a truce that gave us both the courage to turn towards our sex life and each other. It was the beginning of sex that works in my own life.

In my new book, Sex That Works, I share stories from my own erotic transformation, from the couples with whom I’ve worked with as a professional loveologist, and from my research and ongoing conversations about relationships, intimacy, and sex as the founder of Good Clean Love, maker of organic products for sexual health. To help you dig in and understand your own intimate story, I offer practical exercises for building skills to reclaim intimacy, renew curiosity, and ultimately realize your true erotic potential.

Think of this book as a road map for your journey back to your own erotic self—one that will allow you to reach into the really tender places and encourage your truth to flow freely. It’s been an honor to spark this kind of inner dialogue for women, and my hope is that you will find that reading Sex That Works is like talking to a dear friend late at night over a warm cup of tea.

 

Wishing you wellness on your sexual journey,

Wendy Strgar

 

 

 

 

 

 

Listen to a podcast with Wendy Strgar >

Wendy Strgar: Sex That Works

Wendy Strgar is an award-winning entrepreneur, writer, and the founder of the renowned organic personal care product company Good Clean Love. With Sounds True, she has published Sex That Works: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Wendy about Sex That Works—particularly the insights it draws from Wendy’s work as a sexual health educator and her own 30 years of marriage. They talk about the most common obstacles to achieving personal sexual harmony and what it takes to keep a long-term relationship sexually satisfying. Wendy describes her own journey to the creation of Good Clean Love and how she discovered her calling as a “loveologist.” Finally, Tami and Wendy discuss what is to have a healthy fantasy life and why true sexual freedom is taking responsibility for one’s own needs. (66 minutes)

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In particular, Joyfully Just highlights practices, teachings, and insights from Buddhism and Black contemplative traditions. Black contemplative traditions include practices that bring forth insight and joy. You may have heard the expression “Black joy” and wondered, What is that, exactly? Black joy is self-transcendence. It is embodied resistance to shame, despair, and anything else that would limit our capacity to be just towards ourselves and those around us. It is the insistence on and expression of internal freedom despite external restrictions. Black joy is resilient creativity that creatively grows more resilience.

The Black wisdom traditions I explore in Joyfully Just include those shared through music such as Gospel, Blues, Rock, Jazz, R&B, and Hip-Hop; language and dialect practices; and dance and communicative kinesic (movement and gesture) practices. The musical genres developed by Black Americans are universally embraced because they help all people engage creatively with the joys and pains of life. As such, Black music is often a contemplative practice that can ground us in empowered well-being, even amidst our worst pain. As we sing our Blues, we invigorate our lives with joy. That joy creates spaciousness around our suffering so that we can develop insight into its meaning and value. Take a moment now and see if you can think of one song from any African American musical genre that deepens your insight, helps you navigate your suffering, or expands your joy. Write it down so that you remember that it is but one example of how listening to Black music is a contemplative practice that enriches your life.

Black contemplative practices are often misunderstood—especially when they are appropriated. Sometimes they are underestimated as simply entertainment or frivolity. In Joyfully Just, I offer practices to shed light on how much insight and guidance for wise, courageous living we can–and do–receive from Black cultural traditions.

I explore Buddhism and Black wisdom together because although the spiritual and religious traditions of Black people are diverse, as are Buddhist lineages, many secular Black wisdom traditions and overarching Buddhist principles share common insights. For example, Black musical traditions illustrate the unity of suffering and joy and the possibility for self-transcendence and enlightenment in any circumstance. The creative, lively resilience of Black life shows us, in so many ways, what enlightenment looks like in daily living.

Many African cultures, including African American culture, have rituals and practices that are uniquely contemplative and seamlessly integrated into everyday life. African dance is one example of this. African dancing is listening to the body, trusting the body to tell its story. African dance teacher Wyoma speaks of it as praying with the body.

How do you avoid cultural appropriation of Black contemplative practices? It’s simple, but not easy. When you engage with Black music, dialect, dance, or other cultural practices, reiteratively reflect on how you demonstrate or could begin to demonstrate love for and solidarity with Black people.

I invite you to ask yourself:

  • How is solidarity with and love for Black people already a part of my inner dialogue? Of my relationships? Of how I experience the world with joy?
  • How can I strengthen my connections with Black people and Black wisdom practices?

With these as lifelong inquiries, we gain insight into how Black contemplative practices enrich our lives, actualize our interdependence, and deepen our sense of connection with ourselves and the world.

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Dr. Kamilah Majied is a mental health therapist, clinical educator, researcher, and consultant on advancing equity and inclusion using meditative practices. Drawing from her decades of contemplative practice and leadership, Dr. Majied engages people in experiencing wonder, humor, and insight through transforming oppressive patterns and deepening relationships toward ever-improving individual, familial, organizational, and communal wellness. To find out more visit kamilahmajied.com.

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We recommend starting a podcast club with friends or family to do these practices together. Links and assets to help prompt reflection and build community can be found with every episode on WeAreTheGreatTurning.com

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We recommend starting a podcast club with friends or family to do these practices together. Links and assets to help prompt reflection and build community can be found with every episode on WeAreTheGreatTurning.com

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