Valarie Kaur

Valarie Kaur, JD, is a seasoned civil rights activist and celebrated prophetic voice "at the forefront of progressive change" (Center for American Progress). Valarie burst into American consciousness in the wake of the 2016 election when her Watch Night Service address went viral with 30+ million views worldwide. Her question "Is this the darkness of the tomb—or the darkness of the womb?" reframed the political moment and became a mantra for people fighting for change. Valarie now leads the Revolutionary Love Project to reclaim love as a force for justice in America. As a lawyer, filmmaker, and innovator, she has won policy change on multiple fronts—hate crimes, racial profiling, immigration detention, solitary confinement, internet freedom, and more. She founded Groundswell Movement, Faithful Internet, and the Yale Visual Law Project to inspire and equip new generations of advocates. Valarie has been a regular TV commentator on MSNBC and contributor to CNN, NPR, PBS, The Hill, the Huffington Post, and the Washington Post. A daughter of Sikh farmers in California's heartland, Valarie earned degrees at Stanford University, Harvard Divinity School, and Yale Law School. Valarie's debut book, See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love, expands on her "blockbuster" TED Talk and is available wherever books are sold.

Author photo © Amber Castro

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Valarie Kaur: Sage Warrior

Through the eyes of the sage, all of humanity is kin. And all of our ancestors are available to support us if we relate to them with integrity and respect. So teaches social activist and author Valarie Kaur in her new book, Sage Warrior. In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Valarie about how we can navigate the time of cultural transition that we find ourselves in by “reclaiming love as a force for justice, healing, and transformation.”

Give a listen to this conversation that is at once highly informative and deeply inspiring, as Tami and Valarie discuss: bringing together the heart of devotion and the fist held high in the name of liberation; taking our saints and sages off of the pedestal; a brief history of the Sikh tradition; the city of Punjab in the 15th century; the warrior-mystic; dismantling hierarchies; walking the path of love without following a leader; the legendary female sage warrior, Mai Bhago; acts of love that change everything; the power of story; sustaining one’s energy throughout long labor; releasing that which does not serve you; the Revolutionary Love Bus Tour—and how you can get involved in this work; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

Valarie Kaur: Activating Revolutionary Love

Valarie Kaur is a seasoned civil rights activist and celebrated prophetic voice at the forefront of progressive change. She’s the founder of the Revolutionary Love Project and author of the book See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love. With Sounds True, Valarie has created The People’s Inauguration—a 10-day online program to help us reckon with all we have lost and point us toward a vision of the society we can build together, grounded in love. In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon and Valarie discuss “revolutionary love” as a guiding ethic for our times. They explore what it is to extend love to all people without limit and how opening our hearts in this way is both an ancient and radical act. Valarie also talks about “the heart and the fist,” and why both are necessary in order to create the systemic, cultural, and environmental transformations our world needs. Finally, Valarie shares what we can learn from our rage and grief, as well as the importance of connecting with our joy and our ancestors as we keep showing up for the labors of love before us.

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Valarie Kaur: Sage Warrior

Through the eyes of the sage, all of humanity is kin. And all of our ancestors are available to support us if we relate to them with integrity and respect. So teaches social activist and author Valarie Kaur in her new book, Sage Warrior. In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Valarie about how we can navigate the time of cultural transition that we find ourselves in by “reclaiming love as a force for justice, healing, and transformation.”

Give a listen to this conversation that is at once highly informative and deeply inspiring, as Tami and Valarie discuss: bringing together the heart of devotion and the fist held high in the name of liberation; taking our saints and sages off of the pedestal; a brief history of the Sikh tradition; the city of Punjab in the 15th century; the warrior-mystic; dismantling hierarchies; walking the path of love without following a leader; the legendary female sage warrior, Mai Bhago; acts of love that change everything; the power of story; sustaining one’s energy throughout long labor; releasing that which does not serve you; the Revolutionary Love Bus Tour—and how you can get involved in this work; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

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How do Black women grow, transform, and make good use of the power they possess? In her new book, Evolving While Black, inspirational life coach and “Chief Happiness Curator” Chianti Lomax shares a guide to help Black women achieve authentic happiness and liberation on their own terms. This episode of Insights at the Edge brings you into her company with Sounds True founder Tami Simon as they discuss Chianti’s personal journey and the many practical approaches she teaches.

Give a listen to their conversation on: education, the golden key to improving your life; positive psychology; how exposure creates expansion; learning ways to flourish in the face of systemic racism and oppression; listening to hip-hop that empowers us; shifting from poverty to possibility; breaking free from the inherited belief systems that no longer serve you; mindfulness and emotions; what Chianti discovered while skydiving; the challenge of accurately assessing your own level of self-awareness; “polling your crew” to learn how you show up in life; the life satisfaction pie and how much of our happiness is ours to determine; journaling as a vehicle for rewriting your truth; taking your thoughts “to court”; optimism research and the A,B,C, D method; three dimensions of happiness: pleasure and gratification, strength and virtue, and meaning and purpose; self-acceptance and validation; setting healthy boundaries; and more.

Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.

How to Mental Stack Your Way to a New Chapter in Life

Most people feel trapped in a thousand ways. But more often than not, this sense of entrapment us into putting our heads down and getting the things we are expected to get done, done. We can’t often see the entrapment, especially if it looks like the result of our own choices in life. But were they truly our own choices? What if some of the choices we made in life have never really been ours to begin with? 

I want to take us back a little. Back to when we were younger. When we had to rely on the wisdom of our elders, and those who have been in this life much longer than us. In my upcoming book Invisible Loss, I write about that time in our lives when we were at our most rebellious:

Disobedience—as a child, as a teen, as an adult in the world of work and home—is an act that creates invisible suffering. We learn to survive that repeated pattern of being commanded by our elders to be “good.” In order to be good and obey, we may create a life closer to that command but further away from our Original Self. We may work hard trying to be good, trying to please and fit into the mold created for us, but that only helps to build our Waiting Room life.

But time in the Waiting Room doesn’t need to last forever. And you don’t have to die inside it. There are parts within you that can bring forth a life worthy of your human existence. Places within yourself that have no shame.

As long as we have been alive, creating a life that aligns closest to the wishes of our caregivers and protectors blinds us to the life that we could choose for ourselves. That life is completely hidden even if we think we know our wishes. Often, only when we go through tragic or invisible losses, do we start to question those choices. Dare I say, these moments are opportunities to exit the loop of being “good.”

It is time to interrupt our regular transmission. It is time to be clear when it comes to what it is we are trying to communicate to the people in our lives. It starts from no longer trying so hard to fit into the mold that was created for us.  No matter how old we are, we can always break outside this mold and align our choices with our true values and desires.

This is not an easy task. I understand that. At the core of my book, Invisible Loss, I’ve created tjos easy practice to help set you on the right path to your Original Self. I call it Mental Stacking:

What Is Mental Stacking?

Mental Stacking is the ability to intentionally layer your thoughts to replace unconscious, Survivor-based

thinking with Wisdom-based thinking. In doing so, these Wisdom-based thoughts can more easily be converted into real-life action. This Stacking practice allows you to access your true and authentic self (your Original Self) and entrust it with the controls of your life. Here is what a basic Stack looks like:

  • The Cleanse: Transcribing the automatic, routine-based, unconscious thoughts. Write them down. Don’t stop writing until you feel you are done. 
  • The Pattern: Subtracting from that first layer the thoughts of fear and doubt. Once you write everything you are feeling and thinking down, read it back to yourself and find a sentence or two that comes from a place of fear or doubt. For example, somewhere in your long cleanse you may find yourself saying: “I feel trapped in my marriage and I don’t dare tell anyone about it because he is the nicest guy. All of my friends always tell me how lucky I am to be married to someone who takes such good care of me.”
  • The Reframe: Writing the consciously reframed thought layer in the Stack. Take that sentence and reframe it. For example: “I feel trapped in my marriage and feel ashamed for feeling this way because my partner is such a good guy,” to, “even though I may feel shame about how I feel, I need to share these feelings with my partner even though it may not be expected or understood. This is my life, after all.” 
  • The Plug-In: Translating the reframed thought into action. Once you have that reframed thought, think of a low-risk action you can take that can stem from that newly scripted thought. For example, you can suggest to your partner to go for dinner at a brand new place where you can bring up what is on your mind in a new environment. You can act on your right to express yourself regardless of what the response might be or how others view your situation. 

Your Mental Stack leads you to a specific next step that may not always be easy to see without the power of each previous layer in the Stack. 

Here’s to a great new chapter ahead,

Christina Ramussen

Invisible Loss


Invisible Loss
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Bookshop | Sounds True

Christina Rasmussen is an acclaimed grief educator and the author of Second Firsts and Where Did You Go? She is the founder of the Life Reentry Institute and has helped countless people break out of what she coined the “waiting room” of grief to rebuild their lives through her Life Reentry® Model, a new paradigm of grief, based on the science of neuroplasticity. She lives in Austin, Texas. For more, visit christinarasmussen.com.

Author photo © Marc Olivier Le Blanc

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