You thought that as you awakened, you would feel less. But you are seeing that love continues to ask you to feel more. There was an idea that as your heart opened, your vulnerability would lessen, but you are more raw and tender now than you’ve ever been. You wondered if as you grew spiritually, you would be more detached, not care quite so much, and rest as the “witness” of your life from beyond it all. But, alas, you care so much you are burning up inside.
Something new is being born in you, but something else is dying. Everything you thought you needed is falling away, but what it is being replaced with is not yet clear. You are between the worlds, dancing between broken and whole, with light and dark being weaved within you.
You are so open it is almost as if a certain kind of sadness has come to permeate your life. Even the light in the snow, the color in the sunset, or the wind passing is almost too much; you are not sure you can let it in all the way. Even the orange and the red in the sky, if you let it come inside, might take you to the ground. There is a sense that you could die of astonishment at just how much grace is here. There is a purple that has never, ever come into being until now; give everything to know it. It is so precious here. The beloved is pouring colors throughout this dimension so that she may evoke her qualities in your body and through your senses.
You know that things will never be the same again, but you still do not know what is coming next or even where you are, or what is truly being asked of you. This unknowing groundless ground is your home now, and the creativity and the intelligence here are overwhelming. Yes, things are colored by a certain fragrance of sadness, but it is a sadness the mind could never know, for it has nothing to do with something being missing. It is a sadness which is pouring out of your overflowing heart. You are willing to give your heart to others and to this world, for you are seeing that this is why you have come here.